The Unreliable Self

“Creak, creak.” The wheels of the donkey cart kept turning, the axle grinding out a harsh, grating noise.

“Gouwa, drip some sesame oil on the wheel.”

Li Huowang, lying on the cart, spoke with difficulty. His neck had just been sewn up by Bai Lingmiao with a needle and covered with wound-healing powder, and he couldn’t sit up yet.

After a while, the creaking faded significantly. Li Huowang stared blankly at the sky, thinking about what had happened a few nights ago.

The trouble with Zhengde Temple was over, but his own troubles were only just beginning.

From his perspective, it was the ascendant Danyangzi who had killed those Buddhas.

But from the others’ perspective, he was the one—his expression twisted and terrifying—who had lunged forward, burrowed into the Buddhas’ bodies, and devoured them alive.

There couldn’t be two perspectives in one world. One of them—either what he saw or what they saw—had to be false.

Li Huowang turned his head to the side. Bai Lingmiao, her eyes bound with strips of cloth, was gripping his hand tightly, refusing to let go for even a moment.

His gaze retracted. Li Huowang looked back up at the white clouds in the sky, a bitter smile spreading across his face.

To be honest, because of his illness, even Li Huowang himself didn’t trust himself anymore.

When you added his swollen belly and the blood all over his face, everything pointed to one conclusion: it really had been him. Not Danyangzi.

“Could Danyangzi really be dead already? Was all of that just a fantasy of mine?”

As soon as the thought appeared, Li Huowang quickly shot it down.

“Just having an episode couldn’t possibly have let me so easily take down those giant Buddhas. Deep down, it was Danyangzi.”

“No matter what he’s become now, the key is he’s still here. Still watching me.” Li Huowang was absolutely certain of this.

“I just always thought he, as an ascendant immortal, descended in person. But looking at it now, it seems he was just acting through my body.”

“My previous assumption that Danyangzi was protecting me has been confirmed. But based on what I know about him, there’s no way a man like him would help me out of goodwill. He’s helping me for some other purpose.”

Connecting it to the strange feeling he’d had that night, a vague suspicion began to take shape in Li Huowang’s heart. He reached out a finger and lightly scratched her soft palm.

“Do you think,” he asked, “I’ve gotten more irritable since we left Qingfeng Temple?”

“No, I don’t think so. Why do you ask, Senior Brother Li?”

Li Huowang gently stroked the back of her hand and didn’t explain. He simply said to himself in silence: Why do I ask? Because I’m worried that bastard Danyangzi is up to no good!

No one else had said anything, but Li Huowang himself could feel a change in how he handled things.

“Could that old bastard Danyangzi be trying to resurrect himself through my body? Is that why he’s protecting me—because he’s protecting his own body at the same time?” This terrible suspicion, which sent cold sweat dripping down his back, exploded in his mind.

But he quickly calmed down. It was just a suspicion for now.

Danyangzi had to be dealt with, that much was certain. But the target was easy to set. How to do it was the real question.

And on that front, Li Huowang felt completely in the dark. Nothing in this world was laid out clearly like a game. Everything was foreign. Everything had to be discovered on his own.

After going through the disaster at Zhengde Temple, Li Huowang no longer dared to lightly get involved with any other factions here. After all, if even the friendliest Buddhist temple could be that terrifying, who knew what other places had become?

Yet, when he thought it over, Li Huowang realized that if he wanted to survive in this accursed place, he still couldn’t avoid them.

As Li Huowang was mulling over these things, the donkey cart slowly came to a stop. He heard the sound of running water nearby.

“Senior Brother Li, I’m going to wash your clothes for you.” Bai Lingmiao finished speaking, gently pulled her hand free, picked up the bloodstained robe from the cart, and headed toward a nearby stream.

The others didn’t idle either. With practiced默契, they went into the woods to gather firewood and started making a fire to cook.

With Li Huowang unable to sit up, he could only rely on sound to judge what was happening around him.

Soon, the aroma of cooked food drifted over. Li Huowang’s stomach growled. His injured body urgently needed sustenance.

“Senior Brother, let me feed you.” Li Huowang felt himself being propped up and leaned back against a furry embrace.

He had already learned the name of this woman, who was covered in thick black hair and resembled a black gorilla. It was Chun Xiaoman.

The name was very easy to understand. She had been born on the day of Lesser Fullness Xiaoman, so she was called Xiao Man. That’s how casually country folk named their girls.

Xiaoman used a wooden spoon to scoop up some horse-meat broth and brought it to Li Huowang’s lips.

One fed in silence; the other ate in silence. Ever since the incident, Li Huowang had noticed that the others seemed more afraid of him.

He could understand their fear. After all, who wouldn’t be shaken, staying next to a man-eating monster?

Once he’d eaten his fill, Li Huowang said quietly to Xiaoman, “Tell Bai Lingmiao to come back. If it can’t be washed clean, don’t bother.”

“Alright.” Xiaoman gently laid Li Huowang back down, placing the Heavenly Scripture under his head as a pillow.

A short while later, Bai Lingmiao returned. The blood-red Daoist robe in her hands had not returned to its former cyan color.

“Hang it over the donkey’s back to dry. Go eat your meal quickly; it’s getting cold.”

“Mm.” Bai Lingmiao let out a soft response, then crouched down. After carefully examining Li Huowang’s wound for a moment, she walked over to the campfire.

The familiar sound of hoofbeats rang out from a distance. “Da-da-da.”

The voice arrived before the person. “Aiyo! Little Daoist! So this is where you ended up! I thought I’d never see you again!”

When Lu Zhuangyuan’s wrinkled old face appeared before him, Li Huowang knew the Lu family troupe had followed.

“Aiyo, what… what happened to you?” He saw Li Huowang’s miserable state.

“Nothing. Just ran into some small trouble on the road. Do you have some business?”

“Little Daoist, why did you take off without a word? We agreed to travel together. It’s a good thing you mentioned before that you were heading through the pass, or I never would have found you.” Lu Zhuangyuan spoke with a placating smile.

A free bodyguard, once found, wasn’t something you could just give up so easily.

“Sorry, Troupe Leader Lu. I’m injured, so I won’t stand on ceremony. Make yourself at home.”

“Alright, alright, you just lie still, you lie still.” Lu Zhuangyuan didn’t ask any questions. Having traveled far and wide for so many years, he knew well the principle that knowing less was safer.

Seeing that the sun was about to set, neither group intended to move on. There was a small river here, which was convenient for washing and getting water.

Unable to sleep, Li Huowang stared silently at the stars in the sky, thinking about the day’s events.

Suddenly, there was some movement to his right side.

Before Li Huowang could react, a soft, small body silently slipped into his arms, trembling.

Catching the familiar faint fragrance, Li Huowang reached out his right hand and gently patted her on the back. “It’s alright. Leave everything to me. Leave it all to me.”